I APOLOGIZE

Old friends, silent enemies & associates if I have offended anyone in my life, I sincerely apologize.

I'm speechless but I must say it’s a concern to see so many people end long friendships, people who are shacking for financial convenience, partners sharing their mates, single or separated people struggling to communicate in dysfunctional relationships due to the undealt with junk in their closets. It is heart drenching to know how some people can’t find an inch of happiness by letting go of old baggage. It is sad to see people look for an excuse to live in misery by manipulating other people to deal with their misery. It is sad to watch unfold how some people will invest time to make you unhappy then lose control. It is saturating to think there has never been anything done under the sun. But yet people are prideful not to dig more than 1 ditch at a time. And what ponders my mind the most; is how humanity holds the 1 key to unlock their peace and happiness but yet that key continues to get misplaced and justified why they can’t make a simple CHANGE to better their own life.

So what is it that Humanity fails to figure out?

·           Either we take a journey together or walk alone.

·           Either we stay in love or just leave one another alone.

·           Either we enter into a healthy relationship individually and connect as one.

·           Or we waste time trying to figure out who can grow old, bitter & broke alone

·       Either we make up our minds and settle for what we want until we mature in handling          what we need. And this is where I have made my peace.

I often remind myself to not limit my happiness to small spaces in a big world. So therefore this new change about me came right on "time with age" so that I don't entertain my own or anyone else's silent "misery".  So today if I have offended you in any indecent way, for you to have walked away. Then my change was not in vein. It was in God’s timing that we “Break the Chains” and move about our own separate ways.

Untitled

This passage is "untitled" for our own personal use. To understand how and why we choose the directions we travel in life. 

Before writing the Angel L memoirs I took some time to process my own life. Before sharing how we live once to only die twice.

Love is an emotion and showing "compassion" is a human action. Religion is a "sacred choice" to praise or not and if any human being here on earth really knew it's truth then why is humanity fighting over who believes in who. Rejection means to deny another person’s proposition. Acceptance is allowing the process of someone or something to happen. Fear is withdrawing you from what is unknown. And Perfection is any person placing high expectations on themselves or someone else.
 

Where are you in this moment of time? Are you existing or living life?  And if you were summoned to temporarily separate yourselves from being in any type of relationship how long could you function on your own without being in it? And if you had not access to money how long would people survive, in your life, in this day and time.
 

What is the connection when people first meet? Is it the physical attraction before they both speak? And if we often identify the signs of "dysfunctional" characteristics in one another’s minds then why do we proceed into what will be a destined "catastrophe" over time?
 

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Because perfection is what you aim to define in yourself not what someone tells you that is "wrong or right" in yourself. So today process this word "low self-esteem" which is hidden in the faces of all Humanity. But you will not know "who is who" until that individual has EXPOSED themselves to you. Could this be the stem of why certain people continue to seek closure of a void in their life? Through taking on other people who continue to deny; what's internally broken inside. 

Options are any individual who has controlled space and decides who, the time and place. So how is it we live broken but continue to accept "the obvious" and dare to be questioned about our repeated choices in it?
 

A person who shows characteristics of being a "giver" is a "takers dreams". And it could be your spouse, children, stranger or friend. But for some reason we can't let go of feeling guilty about this STRONG HOLD.

When people hurt one another it's normal that they either hold a "grudge or forgive them". But dysfunction in Humanity destroys people and relationships of all types through generations unless we fix what it internally wired inside. Then maybe we "could" if not "would" value one another more with the time we have together right now. Instead of investing the majority of our lives "living once at birth then dying twice" knowing why we are internally broken inside.
 

Maybe this passage does not apply to you. But in every family "GLOBALLY" there is a cycle to break, TODAY.

Angel L "So Gone"

I've embellished many successes and intimate moments in my life. I've dealt with many hardships. I've healed from a broken heart and disappointment with time. I've learned to release and let go of what is not within my CONTROL.
 

I've learned if you take on leadership in any situation to always listen & be patient. Why, because there will be challenges not limited to religion in your life, where some religious people are destined to prove you're not strong enough to spiritually fight.
 

So when I look back over my life I can identify with dysfunction & logic, dignity & courage, wisdom & confidence and mistakes and choices. When I think about people whom I have allowed into my space; some lied, some stayed fake and others showed their ass before slithering away. And in return a valuable lesson is what I have learned; no matter what age you are there will be times you will walk alone until a sincere hearted person comes along.

Sometimes being responsible comes with many burdens. Just like being the eldest or the youngest come with high expectations of understanding nonsense but what maybe of another person’s logic. But when you see the brokenness in a parent, child or guardian's life there is something that must be corrected, regardless of who feels REJECTED, because we can't all live healthy lives and continue to stay BROKEN inside.
 

When I think about how people pretended to have my best interest not limited to strangers but family, associates and friends who showed their true face when I decided to control my space and walk out on FAITH. To travel and blog about Humanity or simply become "fed up" with living a life of INSANITY.
 

When I think about struggling financially but not giving into the Worldly ways is when those few friends wait arrogantly just to find a reason to deny me. And to give some clarity some people will help you just to see what return they can get out of you. Then we wonder why situations and people do not change, where we choose to remain the same.
 

When I think about being a single mom from the day my son was born. I was destined to see him succeed find himself build a relationship with God before anyone else. I trained my seed to mentally fight and in his father’s gene he inherited concrete knowledge of the worldly politics of being a young man. Who had no choice but to graduate with a plan.. I encouraged work but just enough to keep him responsible and focus to walk across that stage; no drugs, no warrants and thank God no case. I planned his course in different states to travel and select a college plan is when he settled down and progressed in becoming his own man. Until one day he realized mom was no longer holding his hand, is when he ventured into the friends and the worlds plan. Thank God for grace & mercy in planting good seeds, kept my house, body and life disciplined, spiritual and clean. So whatever life brings his way I can rest assure the God I've always served will protect & guide him the rest of the way.
 

I remember seeing an old friend who I met years ago in New Orleans, a perfect gentleman. Until years grew us apart is when we both realized in one night the things we did in our youth one of us is still trying to hold onto. Unfortunately even if the love is deep time is not on my side to reverse back to my old life.
 

I remember having tons of girlfriends in my life traveling was my past time. Is when I realized some women share common interest, some disclose jealously and the rest, unnecessary competition.

I remember in my twenties I met a slight mature man. And what I mean was his "diligent nature and conversation" but what my body ignored in my mind, I shyly said yes to his mission of advances. But deep in his eyes I knew I would never be his wife. I remember counting as the years went bye and one day I let go of this girlish pain.  Then came a new connection but excluded the sex for genuine friendship. And this time in this Man's eyes he was missing something inside but it was not a settled down wife. I know the question is then why? And the answer is in my life lessons what I've learned is no matter what stage and age were in a Man's choices is where his heart is. Regardless of a woman's commitment just always listen to hear whether he say's and actually does it "I see myself building a life with you" forever and always. Eventually one man married and both celebrated births to carry on their legacy, something I had no regrets to relive what was already given to a man in my early twenties. Sometimes our choices are small reminders of why things happen for a reason. And although these women share giggles today these two men carry their truth of knowing; I will forever be engraved in their life journey.
 

I've watched people struggle to deal with themselves because of attempting to fix something or someone else.
 

So the moral to this passage is the next time God opens up a window in your life do not wait on another person’s delay. Simply pursue your own Destiny.

Happy New Years Eve

To all around the world wishing you well

The year 2015 brought Humanity "change" and whether it was good or bad look at it like this either " you attempted, you changed, or chose to allow things to remain the same" but for whatever reasons Life challenges brought you through this year understand your purpose for still being here.

Tomorrow in 2016 it is destined to bring new challenges, triumphs and choices that will require Human change. So be ready for anything.

In observance of all our love ones we continue to mourn for over the years. This should be a sign to Humanity to cherish one another while we are still here with humble cheer.

So what is my New Year’s Resolution: to not make promises to God I can't keep but in all seasons to be more grateful and faithful, wiser in understanding, love and seek my own inner peace.

For if tomorrow is promised to us in the mist of the greed, hate and turmoil we live in today may God humble all nations to pray.

So if Love is the fall of Human behavior in this life. Then maybe without one another that are at fault to blame; of why we choose to disconnect with Religion, Love and Change.

Finally, to our youth something must cease in your attitudes so that you may grow a generation of Kings and Queens to restore our lost ancestors & elders dreams. Is why they fought in life so that in death we would raise a new generation is this lost age!

Incest

To all the young girls & boys around the world listen closely to the story that is not a tale.

One day you will see how Life will be your greatest mentor and the reason why is there will be a few struggles you will face; alone. Internally. in this life. And no matter how mommy or daddy, grandparents or siblings try to protect you. please understand life comes with minimum directions and many learned lessons.

So you are wondering why me. The answer is; only life knows how your true story will be go. And be told. And in abusive or sexual situations the adult stranger, family member or friend will say ''I love you with cuddles and gifts" in a sympathetic way.  But in that moment you may not identify with what is happening between your legs and body. Just know this when someone touches you or ask you to do things of our bodies. it’s not ok if mommy & daddy, grandma or grandpa, uncle & aunt are not around to watch how you're; being played. Are comfortable in playing.

One day a young child innocently played with a familiar face. until the game changed and this person was no longer the same. So this person with whom this child trusted betrayed their; friendship now this child feels alone and brokenhearted. because no one is listening. So what does this child soon to be a grownup. do when the stranger is really a parent, family member or friend that in some situations are the predators. And invited guest due to; human choices.

1st priority. Safety. 

A child was walking home from school as a stranger approached and seemed "lost" and within a second this child was gone.

A stranger is not always someone you have never met. A stranger has a different approach either with both mommy and daddy are not around. Are either of them out trust. Through welcoming into our family.

Safety is to ensure your smile is not turned upside down. In this world.

 

And yes, I was that parent. Even after his tiny feet. Out grew my pace. And even now. Although he's resting in heaven. God alway's carefully guided my choices. To watch over the decisions. I would and made; as a mother. Who understands that human sacrifices; come with. Weight. With a peace of mind along the way. 

A piece of candy is great. but what about a cavity. What do you mean? If we're offered things we like. What happens when a ride home. Is not mom or dad. But friends who said. It's OK. but remember, who said.  What you did not witness of what your parents directly told you. Of "yes, or no". And if anyone hurts you in a bad way and say's "its ok".  immediately ask your parents, auntie or uncles. if this kind of touch is OK.

But if it is the person's you trust. Stay safe. Unless you can tell the truth.

It takes one second to communicate through texting. It takes people years to walk away from unhealthy relationships. It takes 5 minutes to find a date on social media.  It takes a one-time conversation to share our personal information. It takes 8 to 12 hours in a day to commute back and forth from work. 

So why not listen to what our children have to say. even if it takes 1 moment to hear about; their day!

Finding Hope

How is it some people fall in love with their eyes and not with their hearts? Why is it some people who are married silently fall apart? Then desperately seek attention outside of their marriage.

Why do people say "I love you" over the weekend or before you spread your legs. How can a person say "you make me treat you a certain way" then have sex with you mentally with no regrets. And if your heart is not stationed between your legs you will identify an "excuse" that maintains the strong hold on you.

When are people really over an inconclusive "friendship or past relationship" if all they do is repeat the issues they have yet to deal with. And if we really knew one another the way we think we do. Then why do we continue to choose the same avenues?

I was asked by a reader who read my blog “how do I know people will find hope by reading this blog"? I simply said hope is something a person must seek individually. The reader proceeded to say in the world we live in people are desperate to hold onto what they have regardless if it’s a sense of temporary contentment. Immediately I responded with this statement "individuality does not mean collectively". So in order for any human being who seeks hope they will either become content with whom or what they are in. Are they may choose an alternate plan to finding their own hope which may seem like "insanity" which is no different from the hope, you seek to understand in humanities boys & girls, women and men.

Familiarize

What is The Truth?

What is it about the TRUTH that Humanism seeks to find and where does real TRUTH, LIE?  

Is the truth written in biblical wordings?

Is the truth in what someone believes, SPIRITUALLY?

Is the truth hidden in another person’s heart and thoughts?

Is the truth a myth of old folk tales?

Is the truth something we can identify with the naked eye?

Is the truth in what we choose to do?

Is the truth in what another person say it is?

Is the truth really a lie or what we assume, judge and criticize?

Is the truth in a group of organized people supporting ideas, situations or concepts?

What makes someone else's reality another person’s TRUTH? So why is it we 
wear our heart in our chest, and not in our hands where people can damage it.

A young man asks if the bible is misleading people from the truth. And of course I ask what bible is it that you’re referencing too. The young man answered “then why do minorities claim “Christianity”.  Is when I answered maybe it holds the truth in which they seek but if you look around the world each and every culture finds their own TRUTH in multiple ways. So this young man said that was my OPINION. And the truth is that we all have the FREEWILL to possess an OPINION. But the QUESTION still remains what is the TRUTH and if we ever found it what would we do?  

A working class man ask for a few dollars to spend and I immediately reminded him I have responsibilities and those little ones require money, is when this man proceeded to say someone else’s children’s are not your responsibility. I agreed, to some degree. But what he became aggressive with is when I said “stop being financially supportive to your wife and kids”. The man replied well the TRUTH is it’s your choice to assist those kids. I agree, but today I made this my TRUTH of what is a responsibility when it comes to what I can afford to do. And the real truth is this is no longer a conversation between me and you. This is a distraction to fault me for the real truth in the situation you are bonded too. 

I can remember a time when I had tons of people in and out of my life. I can remember a moment of feeling relief to not have people and their emotions causing me grief. But it took me to accept my TRUTH and what I needed to grow up and do which was dealing with the LAWS OF PHYSICS in this LIFE where people and I must change with TIME.

So the “TRUTH” could show up at any moment in time. Are could the truth be simple enough to understand where we as people struggle with acceptance of it?