2018

Not every person has the time to squeeze through doors that are held from behind. So here we stand and observe in intense; of wondering if in this race will man vs. man; finally end.

In life we joke about the silliest things, like a man can ask his wife permission to hunt; as we deal with blended relationships, domestic violence and divorce court settlements. Sexting is the new thing regardless of whom you come in contact with for hot second or until there is a victim. We joke about who don't smoke weed; but who does it affect when you can not get a paycheck for a felony on your record, and the person you love is on the streets selling their bodies, for free. We laugh and joke about the silliest things; as grown-ups do their thing. The children attempt to find a night of rest after a day of being bullied in class. Or maybe they will not return due to an unfortunate circumstances.  As Parents toss and turn to find a night of relief to face Monday mornings traffic rat race; because not everyone is working for a paycheck without a plan to live beyond it. Thank goodness for those grandparents who are amongst the living in their own independence. Of an era of fixed income; they plan to live longer lives to assist in raising their own grown children's; children in a new world. And if auntie & uncle continue to communicate in their own relationship; this blood line will not be interrupted with any side piece of extras. 

I ask questions to a;

Politician: In the upcoming Election if the candidates did not make a broad of promises; would the Voters come out and respond with a cause of  interest to stand in line? And if the promises were really intended for every race and creed of people; then why can't our leaders find a balance to the real numbered cast of ballots?

If the Laws of the Land were to be re-written to structure this era; what affect would it entail so that all people are equally punished for the same prejudices, granted a reasonable score to afford an interest rate according to what they are subject to of gross & net pay? Or would re-writing the Laws of The Land stir up "Balance that is forbidden"?

I ask a judge if they were to be judged themselves based on their private human behaviors; would they be held at the same level of accountability? And then who would be appointed to be their Judge & Jury?

I ask an elder man in his 70's who is working 40hrs. in this country. How could insurance and retirement change the condition of how you live? The elder man said to me "people are just staying to busy, to feel busy". And in today's economy we will work until we are all near death. But to answer your question young lady; the plan was never created to retire the working. 

I ask small children of all colors what is covering your tiny footprints. Of course they looked down and said my shoes and socks, and some even said my skin. I went further to ask "what do you want to be when you grown up". And of course they said to be like Mommy and Daddy or look like what I see on TV.

We all have our personal shares of life's inspirations & adversity. And more than half of the time
it will take everything in us to stay or either walk away. Because of a place of gravity; that is destined of what refuse of change in how we approach & process everything.

Peanut Butter & Jelly

Until pushed out of a scary place of anything or anyone or obstacle; you will not fight out of it; until the PB sticks in your life without the Jelly and bread.

“OH’ GOD please do not allow me to exist in a lesser place of mental thinking. Right now I’m calling it my year of “entrepreneur-prosperity”, for every seed that I’ve planted; to find favor & prosperity in my; vision, health, integrity, wisdom for every season in this life to past over, and forth coming.

You don’t have to understand it; you only have to plant your own seeds in “I Can”. So they won’t die in the fears of YOUR “I Can’t”

I can't because I'm to broken; and if that were so true then why do we all bend, break and more than often heal in the same human places?

I can’t do no better than my present situation.
I can't be strong as you; keep living & one day it will be a personal will to fight, for something in  your life.

I can’t live better; because I know how to struggle in the condition I survive.

I can't stand up to a bully; so stay prepared to bullied this entire life. They come in all sizes. 

I can’t be in a better relationship. Because of knowing with Betty the builder or  Bob the builder; I know what I should expect to get out of them.

I can’t get a better job; because I’m not experienced or educated enough to show them I can do it.

I ain't got it. And if God wants me to have it, him or her; I’ll wait on God while he continues to show me how and why people have limited amounts of patience or never come around. 
I can’t speak up for myself; they have more power over me to silence me. Then speak up to know for yourself; you also possess the power to survive in that silenced place.

I can’t meet the expectations of my family and friends; I am too weak to change the chains we drag hand over feet.

I can’t do it; I need it right now, my kids must have, he or she expects of me to give more than what I can’t afford.

I can’t change anything; because nothing will change when it’s comes down to people. So until we all do something different then will I follow a lead.

I can’t pray no more when life just gets harder every day; Wisdom is accepting people don’t come with instructions, Life did not come with warnings, and Time is so unpredictable it will almost never initiate 1 text message or 2 sec call; before it comes around interrupting our comfort zones.

Open Relationships

I keep starting out to end this Blog. But I still have yet to come to a finish line. Why, we as people are tempted by any juicy topic. And it does not matter from where the juice leaks of it. We're all into it.   

We campaign our flesh. We broadcast our eyeball conversations. We use our mouths to leak a hot conversation. Then we meet "select together", for pleasure to meet on one sheet of music. And after all the digging, diving & sweat we still search for more understanding in our own internal brokenness.

So let's dive straight in it; and see who get's there's out first. I referencing the reasoning of how it really works. And if we still find an intense need to further put a bigger dent in it. Oh, I'm referencing the open-relationships & open-marriages. And if you don't fit, don't get into it.

I mean really "who does not enjoy the mystery of participating in roll play, we actually set the stage and participants everyday". Whether lurring at someone far away or switching or staggering our hips with a hungry pain look in our eyes. The messages are not always subliminal of what we desire to sweat in the heated moments of our human flesh. So how do we meet on one set of sheets, and indulge in different heartbeats?

So why do people act as if this is something new that has not been hit or missed, written in books or seen in real action as we do it in normal mindsets. Unless you have not opened up your tight closet door. Eye opener skeletons wait in everyone's space; and it began over generations. I did not make this theory up. It's never been a secret from 0 to ages of 99, there has not been a single pair of any living legs that have not been spread apart greeted by hands and eyes of anticipation; after every climax. Oh yeah, I'm referencing our climaxed human emotions in escalated actions.

We either come together with an agreement to roll around on that one sheet. Are get up & walk away with the music we all felt in a heated moment of roll play. So I ask all of us; what are we really doing with in this life. During the darkest days of nights. With One plus each other. Or does anyone really have the level of knowledge to explain why we use our heads, eyes, mouth & hands. In acts we really never fix. In our human disappointments. Turned into regrets if not brokenness?

There will be tears while lying on broken down beds, there will anger in our spontaneous hearts, there will cold days and hot spots in the places we once open wide now shut. Oh, I forgot to ask what do we share or show our children who come next in another generation? Life is funny that way; it also holds the pages of what we leave of our marks of roll play.

The Point of It All

Does it really take a fool to learn why love does not love nobody? Or does it take our personal experiences to cope with our emotions; of how we allowed ourselves to love someone?

Tomorrow our emotions will resurface, no matter how safeguarded we are in shielding that beating heart. And what was the point of it all; if we never had one chance to figure out why and who we chose to LOVE.  

A young girl in her 30’s said to me. I’ve lived a live not knowing. Until one day I understood what my heart was missing. I love my kids and myself. But for a while I did not understand how people used love so freely with living in one another’s false fantasies.  And what she was saying was “time does not choose who we want, time will show us what we need with that someone”, even when a fool feels lost. Life still gives him or her; a second chance.

A young man in his latter 40”s said “I love my wife and family”. And yes, this is my 2^nd marriage. But after 20 years with her, I can see clearly how she does not love me anymore. I said my brother have you tried to show her why “the fight you are not winning is because she is not by your side”.

I spoke to a widow and her & he both said, either you miss the mate or either you become ok at that point in your life. Sometimes in contentment you miss out on your own journey to finding happiness. And sometimes you get lucky to find the mate who will stand-up by your side. And even in death; either way the lesson still lives with the living.

I spoke with the woman in my life; who taught me how to love myself first. I spoke with the men in my life who taught me how to see through what a man is not saying to you. I learned from my personal experience with a man I loved for 20 years, who walked away but returned to say "once a youth and always a man afterwards, thank you for loving me. Even when I did not show you enough love back. I replied thank you for respecting "who" I will continue to be. 

I spoke with people who say love is over-rated or it was suppose to last a life-time. But if we had no emotions how would we have known it takes a fool; to learn love don’t love nobody. To continue in learning why; we continue in working so hard at love to get it right. 

Box

The problem with placing our dreams & gifts is a box. Is when we figure out; how we struggle to get out.

To have low moral or self-esteem the perception is that we could possibly fit in a small box of not having the potential to get out. And just in case that box is tilted and opens up; the real perception is some of us will not come out.

The song writer said "I'm living my best life". It's  apparent by his words that a box of any size is not equipped to hold him back.

If you are stuck in a box, understand the feeling of being trapped in your own thoughts.

I been a career minded girl since the age 9. I did not place my vision in a box. Even in those moments I could feel myself trapped. I knew eventually I would climb out.

Today I realized no matter what I do or where I go. There will be boxes all around me filled with people who are trapped, and not prepared to come out.

Attitude

Wisdom; is powerful. Knowledge; increases the threat. Negativity attracts; positive reactions.

How does any of this makes sense?

Ask yourself "how much do I give", then wait to see how much you are appreciated.

Ask for guidance; and follow a direction.

Ask for forgiveness; and wait on a remorseful action.

Ask for advice; then listen where to apply it.

Show some act of kindness; and watch who will show up, in another direction.

Show up on time; then make a mental note of who is always walking behind.

Stay committed; then watch who is loyal for more than a season.

Sacrifice is already knowing; who will show up or not. Loyalty is for every end or New beginning stay true to who you already; are.

Loyalty

Until we release what is still in our hands, we can’t receive the bigger plans.

While attending several events over the weekend, I observed people observing each other. And that’s when things started to happening.  

·        I did not forget about that friend that attempted to take his life.

·        I did not forget about the family who lost everything in that house fire.

·        I did not forget the love that found me 13 years ago, because of time we both needed to grow. Funny how life is; who knew that one of us would be the strength. For the both of us to pick back up on what never ended; of our understandings & communication.  

·       I did not forget about the choices I have made in my life. To end up listening and watching people who were watching me. To find some understanding.

·        I did not forget that friend who lost his or her love one.

·        I did not forget who has the minimum to live, and the married couples who are struggling to figure it out; of forgiveness.

·      While watching one another we gained confidence in what was hindering us, so this time when the parties ended, and secrets were shared and the feelings were over flowing. We realized our struggles are the same. Our smiles don’t have to be temporary. Our choices will occur. And trials are inevitable.

I could say I lost a lot in this life, but that would mean we are not perfect human beings. Listen to this "if it were not for us hurting one another, we could not heal together", and if we don’t give up on a good fight; eventually life will make those wrongs turn into our rights.  

See you on the next, page of life...
Angela L.