Human

I heard this young lady crying out loud as she said to her mother "after two babies" I don't understand why don't he love me anymore. I said to that young lady "it is required that we first learn to love ourselves" before we can identify being loved by some else.

Praise God in the good and bad. Praise God in our no boundaries of relationships. We've got to work on each other. Regardless if we don't find forever. There is still power in what we need and expect out of one another.

If God granted us permission over our life choices. What are the chances we would take advantage of having our wants instead of our needs? And if we could prove that money is the key to restoring happiness. Then would we make a change in our selfish ways. Because money does not buy people who fall in and out of love.  It just brings to the light people who waiver to stick around.

I know that someone out there has to say "how do you really supply another person needs, if we ourselves have not accepted what we NEED to find a way to be internally happy". Men are the hunters. Which is true but "but a lion does not always have to roar" therefore not every woman has to take whatever he plays her through. And I know there are woman who also play mind games. But remember we established "men are hunters, and females are the prey" So therefore whomever you select to care about and it does not work out. Don't hurt the next person who chooses to stick by your side. Because of this hunter who seeks his prey that chose not to follow who struggles to lead?

Communication and caring about someone is not that complicated. Most of the time it goes unappreciated in the amounts; we pour out. And with men and woman it does require time to see who is growing or struggling to remain a child.

This was not a kindergarten crush when I met a man two years ago. And I noticed his head hung very low. In 2015 I picked up on a vibe and shared God is still on your side. One year went bye and in June 2016 he extended to me an invitation to stop bye; anytime. And yes I set forth my requirements of one day being in a healthy relationship. And it was not limited to having him.  So at this point he had more than enough time to be honest about the things he could not later hide. About his personal life.

If I had only waited on God's permission.  But instead I chose to not judge. That first late night knock on the window pain and key turn in the door lock. And no this female was not his wife.  So I continued on focusing on how he labored. And later on in this friendship he grew aggitated. The moment he began to show me he did care. And in August 2016 his life had a small delay. I said "if you can help me complete this home project, I promise to reward you for all your hard work" We sat down and planned a 4 day weekend on what we needed for completion. I admit he mentioned avoiding relationships. But he also mentioned over and over again how his choices caused him  "disappointments". So how can we judge if both men and woman are settling.

Then in September 2016 this man received a call "it was a prayer answered we once said together that weekend at the dinner table. And yes, I always asked would u pray with me. And he did every time without one peep.

It's not rare people say one thing.  And show you another. Then contradict what happened. So the next few months passed and I remember feeling distant. For one he had to learn the importance of communication. With a different category of woman.

One day at his place I looked into his eyes and inquired are you still married. And if so are you planning to divorce. Little did I know he was missing his first love. He slowly said "YES". I ask then why did you not share your truth the entire time I stuck by your side; then you would of had no reason to blame me for being by your side. Instead of depending on those home girls or your wife. Recently he said to me because a man does not speak. It does not mean he is not thinking and planning. And at the end of April 2017 there will be a change. This is now May of 2017. And if you allow time to rob you of what is not of eventually "us". Then you have no one to fault regardless of the involvement.

It's now been 1 year and 11 months later. I've met a couple of children in a planned environment and assisted in with some personal situations. And we always had a difference of understanding when it involved "I always had my own stuff" and because of what he managed to have of obligations to other woman.  I took notice and cared about his basics. So there is the truth and lies translated in every story line. This man invited me into his personal space. And yes he stated he had no interest in a relationship. But he always created unfinished business. And never failed to seek me for support where there was never a cricket line answer. So one day he had the nerve to ask "how did you know so much information" because he had planned to walk away May 24th before saying goodbye. I said to him were you not paying attention. It was me there the entire time. So when people don't understand why a woman or man go through matters of the hearts. Maybe we need to start fixing the lingering issues and lies in our own fragile hearts. To appreciate a person more; who refuses not to settle.

To any woman or man. Stop faulting yourself and losing sleep at night for wanting to share happiness and pain in someone else's life. We often give more than the other person thinks of. The sad part is People will try to fix their self inflicted situations through other peoples compassion. With the intention of gluing back together; their own rejected happiness.

Last month I met a new gentleman who did share of interest in a relationship and building a foundation.  And if we have not figured it out; there is a bigger world than the one we choose to shut down. And again I did ask questions before jumping into another situation of financial obligations and undealt with emotions. And to be honest every person has some stuff to deal with. So taking time to work on yourself is not as lonely as people say it is. The price is more rewarding. On the day when the time is right for the both of you to know; working together is working on one another. And that diamond that men cherish the most; will then be sit upon a pedestal.

Did I make a few choices; yes. But they were not all mistakes. This man swear I had the wrong intentions. See how we are twisted. Did I ask God for a husband; yes before I knew the woman God would mold me into. But God had some work in me to do. So the offer of friendship with casual sex and a penis with a man. Never did quench my thirst. I appreciate the communication I have grown to respect in any type of relationship. Somehow this man matured me in ways I will never forget.And I will educate any man who comes for me. If its not me whenever you enter into a woman's vagina; she feels it in her heart. And the type of people we choose will teach us the rules of engagement. Therefore you continue to create news relationships" no matter what people say they want. Just be more mindful of what the both of you settle for.

And after all our differences. I ask this man when you get your finances together what will you do for me? He looked at me and said "let me see" about a road trip just you and me. And to be honest it took all the drama to get him to say "those words for one moment,  I believed on that "day".

As young girls we do fall in love with the fantasy of make believe. And once we mature into young ladies and young men the “reality” teaches the both of us; more mature things in the false and truth in fantasies. So why is it or not important today; of how we invest our time and thoughts in fairy tales, story lines, monetary things and physical attributes. To end up struggling with what we want.

 "If u work on me, I will work on you". Until then there is more work in us individually to do.